Back again!

Well, I'm officially all moved in to my new house! Considering it's a student house (which normally are the most hideous, unsanitary places around) it's actually lovely! Nice and bright and super close to uni, the gym and a huge park, so I have no excuse to not exercise anymore...

I'll be honest, the last few days haven't been great food-wise. My mum's been spoiling me with treats and meals out seeing as I was leaving and it shows. The lovely flat stomach I had not so long ago has all but disappeared :( But now I have complete control over my food, something I haven't had in a while - even last year I was in catered halls! So I won't have anyone forcing me to eat things I don't like or fussing if I skip meals. This year is the year I get skinny. I'm going to go home at Christmas weighing less than 112lbs.

No one will stand in my way. 

124

The weight I was this morning. So basically I've gained 3lbs in less than a week. Loving life.

I've been super strict today to try to counteract it - I've had a 1-egg omelette with peppers and spinach (100) and a mug of tea (50). Unfortunately tonight is also pizza night in my house, but I've worked out that 1/3 of the pizza is 315 calories - so if I eat that with a ton of salad and broccoli on the side I'll end the day at under 600 cals (that is, if I can avoid the temptation of after-dinner snacks.)

Love to all who read, let's hope we can stay strong x

Back on the wagon.

I think I've just realised why all the nutrition experts tell you it's a bad idea to lose weight quickly. I've had 4 days of not watching what I've been eating and it SHOWS. 

Still too much of a coward to step on the scales, naturally, but I did get the tape measure out and apparently I've put on nearly HALF AN INCH on each thigh. This was pretty fucking devastating in itself, but I'm one of the lucky girls with a natural pear shape and have hated the size of my legs ever since I can remember. 

My course starts again in just under 4 weeks, and I've decided I WILL be under 116 by then. My lowest "adult" weight so far! (I still can't get my head around the fact I'm an adult...)

Today's been pretty good food-wise. I've had:
- Porridge with chopped apple, stevia and cinnamon (160)
- Carrot and coriander soup (70)
- Fig
- Kiwi fruit

- Chilli con carne with broccoli and spinach, a piece of olive bread (I have no idea, but I'm guessing about 400)
- Raspberry sorbet (79) 

Total: 805

I just need to remember this when I'm offered food...

Let's try again.

I'm home again, after a few days of staying with my boyfriend. While this in itself is lovely, it's also catastrophic for my eating pattern. Like all boys it seems, he has a superhuman metabolism and eats constantly - half an hour after dinner he's hungry again - and never seems to put on weight.

For a normal girl this wouldn't be a problem. Just say no to junk when it's offered. Unfortunately I'm not like that, so the past 4 days have basically been a constant binge of crisps, cake, chocolate, big portions of his mum's amazing home-cooked dinners, ice cream, brownies and biscuits.
Hopefully if I'm super strict for a while I'll have done some damage limitation by Sunday! I don't dare weigh myself for a few days. 

To begin at the beginning...

They say a new day is a new beginning, but it's certainly hard to think that when you wake up with crumbs from last night's Kit Kat binge still round your mouth. There's 7 days until I move into my new house for the new university year, and around 4 weeks until my course starts again. Hopefully this is enough time to shift some serious weight.

I feel like I should introduce myself properly.

 - My name is Zarah
- I'm 19, and a French and English student in England. 

- At the beginning of August I weighed 130 lbs, as of yesterday I weigh 121. 

- I like fashion, France, photography, tea, playing guitar, sunshine and popping bubble wrap. 

- I think I've had issues with food since I was about 14. I would say I was bulimic, but purging has been something that I've never been able to do (it never stopped me trying, though.) 

- I have a lovely boyfriend who knows I used to have food issues, but has no idea they're still ongoing. 

- I'm half Malaysian, but people normally assume I'm Indian. This makes things very awkward as I live in a predominantly Sikh area, and frequently have older ladies come up to me and start chatting away in Punjabi while I nod and smile and have no idea what is going on. 

- I spent 3 weeks in France for my course earlier this summer, and spent almost every second of it jealously looking at all the beautiful thin French girls and hating my own body. There's only one year left until my year abroad, and I'm determined not to let this happen again. Next time, I will be one of the gorgeous thin girls. That's my promise to myself.